"All I See Is Tulips on The Mound!"

I can't leave the house today.

Not because there is a law, or because I'm ill, or because its unsafe. But because I haven't shaved my legs today, and if I leave the house I could cause a butterfly effect causing wreck and ruin to my fair city, and since I live in DC the consequences could be global!

At least, that what the razor folks would have me believe...

Fortunately, the concerned folks at Wilkinson Razor Company have offered me a panacea to cure my aching heart.

"Sometimes a girl can't help feeling a little blue, when everything is a mess my favorite thing to do... IS MOW THE LAWN!"

But not the lawn outside! The lawn inside! My panties!

You know, my pubic hair!

"Whenever I see a weed I mow that rascal down, so all I see is tulips on the mound!"

(Whew! I was worried for a second... I live in a condo!)

The thing that galls me most about these ads isn't the frotteurism or histrionics of the bus-accident or the annoying euphemisms in mow the lawn. It wasn't even the racialization of the women, though that was way up there (and in truth, more significant then the point I'm bringing up). What got under my skin about both of these ads was that, for women, shaving is both a requirement and an incredible joy.

"Freedom is Slavery," right? 1984? George Orwell? Hello?

Now contrast this with the average* shaving ad for men:

Not to beat a dead horse or nuthin' but in the woman's ads we have a woman who has FAILED! to make herself desirable for her bus boyfriend, or who are sad because they have weeds on their lawn. In the men's ads we have beefy manly men with man accents who -though afraid of "goo" are nevertheless prepared to face their fears for God, Mom, and Apple pie and try these shavers. They are heroes! Women love them! They are better men for using this product, whereas the women manage to neutralize their destructive powers ... barely...

Ah well. Civilization-destroying stubble or not, we'll always have Sarah Haskins!

*By average I mean "the first (contemporary one I liked) that showed up on youtube when I typed "mens razor commercials"